Our kitchen is staffed with tons of free snacks here at [REDACTED] Company. Tons of granola bars, Oreos, and assorted chips. I’m not complaining. Believe you me, I love having access to Baked Lays and Pop Tarts at the ready.

However, apparently one of my colleagues has a slightly smaller appetite and just couldn’t possibly finish his or her snacks. Now, I realize there are starving people all over the globe, and I’m not making light of that, but I’m pretty sure nobody here at [REDACTED] wants to eat your freaking leftover FREE snacks. You aren’t healing the world, or doing anyone a favor, you filthy, dirty, disgusting slob. If you want to make a change, do some volunteer work. Or, better yet, I suggest you jump off the 24^th floor roof.

See, I really am a people person.